Every human being is afraid of something. As children we fear monsters coming out of our closets, we fear not being around our parents. As teenagers we fear not being accepted. A social inclusion is one of our top priorities, even if some of us, as introverts, we may not need as much social contact as an extrovert would. Then comes adulthood, responsibilities, bills to pay. With that a nature of our fears changes. The innocent and slightly naive thinking goes away (at least in most cases). We start worrying about having a stable stream of income, a job, clothes, food. We want to have a house, a vacation, a car – a lot of fears become related to money.
First media tempts us with endless marketing messages, prompting to buy new gadgets, cosmetics, clothes, furniture. Then they make us guilty about it. They make us feel bad about being ‘too shallow’ or wanting what we ‘don’t even need’. The process can be endless, until you decide what you really want. Until you choose what is really important for you and start consciously picking messages that resonate with you. Start living your own life, without boundaries of what other’s will think of you or your dreams.
NOBODY SHOULD FEEL GUILTY ABOUT THEIR DREAMS!
Having gone through the stages myself, I once felt compelled to earn a lot of money, then felt guilty about it. Next I chased the dream of having material things until realising that what I really want is a balanced combination. A mixture of health (you really need this whatever your values are), wealth/money (giving freedom of choice), material things (making everyday life easier) and experiences (providing entertainment, pleasure, positive change and knowledge). I don’t feel guilty anymore about willing to be in the presence of aesthetically beautiful items, staying in a premium accommodation, having enough money for private medical care, so I don’t have to rely on public health service. Especially when it no longer can offer solutions which solve the problem. You shouldn’t feel guilty about your dreams either!
3 ENEMIES OF SUCCESS
Over the years of my personal and professional life I learned enough about human behaviour, relations between people, media, environments and business to know the major mind blocks or beliefs (in self development language). I gathered the ones that appear the most often and made a list of them below. I called them syndromes, because they always in groups. What they really are is masks which cover wider range of challenges. I really wanted you to see them and identify which ones affect you the most. There are 3 various ones, but they all have one thing in common – they create a lack of balance, which in a chain reaction prompts further imbalances. They may seem like just a mental game, but if they persist, soon enough you’ll see them manifesting in a physical form too.
Mental or emotional imbalances translate into physical problems. We are One: our mind and body are related. The mind drives the body’s responses. I experienced it in a very painful way: both mentally and physically. I suffered from all three below. The good news is that I live, I breathe and I want only the best for you. Hence I am sharing them with you, so you can identify them in time and be happier, more fulfilled, wealthier.
1. THE RECEIVER’S SYNDROME
You may have been offered help, yet knowing you need it, you refused in fear of being judged or feeling incompetent. But then when someone asks you for help you run happily and sacrifice your own time. In the end you feel amazing doing something good for some other human being. No matter how tired you are you will do it.
You convince yourself you can, when the body tells you otherwise. You don’t want them to think you are weak or unhelpful. Next you end up not showing how you really feel and pushing the real emotions inwards. You may even have to put masks, show how manly you are by fixing pipes yourself, how strong you are carrying this heavy bed upstairs all on your own. Maybe you think it makes you look independent. Maybe your boss expects you to work like a bunch of horses, because there were cuts and there’s no money for headcounts, despite increasing the workload of your team by 500%? And you do it anyway…
- Are you accepting something that doesn’t make you happy?
- Are you agreeing to do things which deprive you of sleep, rest, relaxation?
- Are you afraid to show what you’re capable of in fear of being judged as cocky, arrogant?
- Are you scared of being judged as selfish, because it doesn’t befit to show confidence as a woman?
- Are you afraid to show your emotional and caring side, because if doesn’t befit to have emotions as a man?
- Are you feeling your face burning when someone pays you a compliment, even deep down you feel it’s actually nice?
TAKE THE STEPS:
- Give yourself the permission to be who you are
- Allow yourself to be special, recognised, valued, complimented.
- Little by little cherish your victories, no matter how small or normal they feel.
- Allow yourself o be vulnerable and open up for help.
- Celebrate who you are, right here, right now.
- Realise nobody can stop you now.
2. THE REACTOR SYNDROME
When we are young, we wait for permission – constantly – because simply we don’t know how, what and when. We wait for the parents to tell us what to do, to prepare us food, to dress us up. Then we don’t want anyone to tell us anything. Next we know a lot more, yet we allow people to make the decisions for us.
We allow the boss to make us work longer that we know we should. Sometimes we allow the partner to make us more than our body can take. Maybe even take a passive role, a back seat. Majority of people say they’re comfortable where they are, yet they dream of having more, being more and experiencing more. They become reactive to what comes their way, they watch, they react. Instead of taking the active role of a creator. The creator knows some things, but doesn’t know others. She knows there are things to be learned and learns as she goes on.
Do you agree to what your boss says, when secretly you feel angry and tired?
Are you frustrated when you agree to do something you deeply knew you didn’t want to do, but agreed anyway?
Do you have big dreams, but never seem to achieve them?
At work do you wait for the tasks to be assigned to you or create them?
Do you celebrate only on special occasions or create moments for celebration?
Do you go to the doctors only when it hurts or regularly check your health to prevent?
TAKE THE STEPS:
- Take a pen and paper and write what you dream of, but feel guilty to admit.
- Write when was the last time you agreed for something you really didn’t want to do.
- Transform one of your dreams into a goal, then break it down into smaller pieces, steps it would take you to get there.
- Choose just one thing of the smaller steps and commit yourself to doing it for a month, i.e. writing 100 words every day, doing makeup every day.
3. THE UNABLER SYNDROME
Going back to childhood, think of how many things you wanted to do, but they told you you couldn’t. A that time you didn’t care, you didn’t know how, but it really didn’t matter. You wanted them anyway! With time you may have noticed that you stopped believing you could have these things. In many people these feelings travel with them into adulthood. We carry with us the beliefs, the limitations we learned from our mothers, fathers, sisters, classmates, teachers. In short words – our environment.
They taught us the best they knew, we trusted them so much that these beliefs stuck with us to date As adults we have the ability to overwrite them with new ones through actions. Many choose not to. hey choose to be he unable(rs). They focus on what they are unable to have, to achieve, to learn without trying. Without putting in the effort, as it is often temporarily inconvenient. It requires putting the stop to being the reactor and get into creators mode.
What do you say you’re unable to do (earn more money, exercise, find a great loving partner)?
Ask yourself why you believe you’re unable?
What would have to happen in order to be able?
What scares you in doing the above?
Do you need help?
Whose help would you need?
Do you need to learn something new?
Where would you find it?
TAKE THE STEPS:
- List everything you would need to be where you want to be.
- List everything that’s stopping you.
- Do one thing that scares you for a month, every single day
(I decided to allow my partner to take photos of me. Last time I only like done of over 300. I will do it again tomorrow and the day after)
- Do one thing that is uncomfortable or inconvenient (but you know would bring you results if you just did it) every day.
(I commit myself to a month of writing two posts a week. I really don’t feel good or comfortable at writing, but still do it.)
- List what could distract you from your tasks. Focus your time on eliminating distractions or minimising them: switch off the phone, tell your friends you will be engaged for the next month.
- Write down how you feel at the beginning of each task.
- See how you feel at the end of each task.
- Note how you feel after the month ends and you’ve completed your project.
Do you recognise yourself in one of the syndromes above? Let me know which one in the comments below or if you need a helping hand to bust through them write to me. I love reading people’s stories.